What I'd like clients to think about

Bluntly put: without a client who can articulate sensible needs, we can't propose a sensible design.

From the client's perspective, building a house is a first-time experience, so it's hard to know what to think about or how. But by working from the largest purpose down through the details, it's not all that hard.

Most reasons to build are for child-rearing. "Our child turns five next year, so we want to build before they start elementary school" — I hear this often. But as you dig into specifics, the focus drifts from child-rearing to "shorter housework paths," "lots of storage," "a niche in the dining area"… House-building is a first for the client, but so is child-rearing for most people. It's natural not to know what kind of house grows a child well.

This may be hard for me to say, but children grow up on their own, and they don't grow the way you intend. So you might as well make peace with this and say: I'm building this house for myself. Go ahead and be unapologetically self-centered.

If you can calmly identify what you love, what you're sloppy about, your everyday self — and communicate it — you'll be a great client. Being able to clearly state what you like is surprisingly hard. Take your time and think about it. Without that, you'll end up asking "which is the most popular?" or "what's normal?" and end up with a boring house that you yourself are absent from. (That's fine too, I suppose…)

Once you've gotten there, the rest is up to the architect. The question becomes: do your words reach the architect? Can you communicate? If not, it's natural to change partners. Start by checking whether your story gets through. That's a fine first checkpoint.